My life has completely done a 360. I feel at an all time low and not sure how to break this. I have reached my breaking point and I simply can't take it anymore. I'm starting to lose sight of the good things I have going on and I have reached an I don't care about life, people, or anything else attitude. I am so bothered and smothered that I feel I can't breathe or even think to find out who I am and what's best for me. My identity is lost and I don't know where to pick up the pieces to restore it back. Everything that I had hope in and felt I had support from doesn't seem the same no more. Everything thing that I thought matter I have no idea if that's even the fact any more. I have lost myself.. Yes, I've hit rock bottom. I've cried so many tears that I don't have anymore left. I have yet to just scream or destiny something but who knows if that will really work for me. I'm so burnt out that I don't have the motivation or passion to do anything. I don't want to eat, pray, be social, or connect to anything that would be for me. I am hiding myself and just waddling in my own sorrow. I'm so depressed and so trauma ridden that I don't know if I can come out of this. The home I thought was my safe place isn't anymore. Actually, that place has turned me like this. I feel so evil and like a monster had came over me and I like the feeling I'm in. I like that I'm angry, mad, sad, depressed, and don't have a care for nothing. For so long I have been extending my back to others, doing things the right way and quite frankly I'm tired of it because I don't see what the benefit is for me. I'm done being nice Belinda  and such a superwoman for everyone but me. Yeah, this rock bottom is real and I just want to be by myself, hid, and continue in this mess I have for myself. Maybe this will feel better for me and really the way I ought to be. I've thought about it so many times to just cut myself and get it over with. I really have because my pain right now has turn in to my pleasure and resting place for me that I don't know anything else. I don't care about other and their feelings. Hell, I'm not even sure if I care about me anymore. When I look in the mirror I don't see beauty but I see a demon that had transpired before my eyes and the demon I see looking at me I feel at peace with like I never have before. This demon seems to get me and it's making my heart as hard as it could be or it should have been all along. Rock bottom, is all I think about.. Nothing else is on my mind right now that could possibly help me snap out of this. Maybe I want to be like this, maybe I never want to get and be found. Just let me lay here and experience this because it's the only thing I know. The only thing that isn't the easiest to do. I don't want to come down from this high, this feeling that I feel because I'm so hurt and confused. I feel like my mind had be abused physically definitely emotionally it has. And right now I don't know what else there is left for me to do. I don't know who I am, what I want, or even what I need. Life right now, I can definitely care less about. Life doesn't care nothing about me, it has chewed me up and spit me out so many times that I'm getting so numb and use to the feeling that it doesn't even phase me no more. I feel like it's expected to feel this way, everything is so predictable and I don't see it changing from that way. I don't care about feelings, I mean what feelings, I honestly don't have those anymore. I have a heart that is heart and broken that I don't want love or even give it. I have been hurt by it too many times before and I might as well close it up and throw it away because clearly I don't deserve a chance at it.  Happiness, what is that now a days.. It just a taken for granted word and no one cares about it. This world is so screwed up... I'm done with this all.